In honor of The Office coming back this Thursday, here are some of the best lines of all time.
1. Michael: Your advice was good, but Jan’s was bigger.
2. Jim: Question: Which bear is best? FALSE: Black bear. Fact:Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica
3. Michael: You’ll notice, I didn’t have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended. But I just thought, “too soon” for Arabs, maybe next year. You know, the ball’s in their court.
4. Dwight Shrute: Let me describe the perfect date: I take her out to a nice dinner. She looks amazing. Some guy tries to hit on her… now he wants to fight- so I grab him- I throw him into the jukebox! Then the other ninja’s got a knife, he comes at me, we grapple, I turn his knife on him. Blood on the dance floor. She’s scared now. I take her home. I’m holding her in my arms. I reach in for a kiss… I hear something in the leaves, I flip her around, she gets a poison arrow right in her back. She was in on it the whole time… but I knew.
5. *From the episode when Michael burns his foot on the George Forman grill:
Michael Scott: Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it’s like to be disabled?
Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl
Michael Scott: Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman’s trouble.
Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung.
Michael Scott: What? How- how old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
6. Michael Scott: Alright let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn’t even talk yet.
7. Michael Scott: I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!
Oscar: Hey, I just wanted you to know, that you can’t just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.
Michael Scott: I didn’t say it, I declared it.
8. From Diversity Day, Michael: In the words of Abraham Lincoln, ‘If you are a racist, we will attack you with the North.’
9. From the Office basketball game: Michael: OK, so, let’s put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley of course.
10. Michael: So Phyllis is basically saying, “Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt’s worth.” I gave Ryan an iPod.
11. Dwight: The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.
12. Dwight: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
13. Michael: I love inside jokes. I’d like to be a part of one some day
14. Dwight: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for 13 of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
15. Andy: I’m petrified of nipple chaffing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle… you have sensitive nipples, they chaff, so they become more sensitive, so they chaff more. So I take precautions
What are some of your favorites? I know I’m forgetting some…
